Baby "Pistachio" Blog: Going back to work

I apologize for those of you who check this blog regularly. I have been pretty delinquent in keeping this blog up to date, especially in the last month. So here's my attempt to do so. Let's back up to about a month ago, more specifically, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. That was my official start date to go back to work and my official end date to my maternity leave.

I know I'm not one of the women who could be a stay-at-home mom. I admire them, but know that my calling lies in both raising little Miss. Bree and in helping people (right now teenagers) who are dealing with crises. So, when a person is split like that, they go to work. For the time being, I'm going back full time, as I'm over halfway done getting my LCSW supervision hours and really want to finish them up, so I can sit for my LCSW exam. My current job is working at an Extended Day Program, which is a high intensity therapeutic level of care program. I work on the adolescent side and see my clients 5 days a week for 3 to 3.5 hours a day. Most of the kids I see have pretty severe mental health concerns ranging from depression and anxiety to opposition and anger. During my whole maternity leave, I've gone back and forth. Some days loving the time I was getting with Bree and sometimes missing the adult interaction and the type of work I was doing before going on maternity leave. But as the days got closer and closer, I began realizing how difficult it may be leaving Miss. Bree. In my opinion, it's unfortunate that maternity leave goes from birth to 3.5 months of age. I almost wish I could birth Bree, take a week or two off, then go back to work and start my maternity leave when Bree turned 3 months and lasted until 6.5 months. Those last few days, I was noticing how she smiles more, laughs, plays, and has become a joy to be with. Our long drawn out screaming battles are over, she sleeps through the night, and has become pretty predictable at this stage. All the wonderful personality traits that a person would never want to leave!

So Wednesday morning arrived and I set out to go to work. Luckily for me, I only had to work one day before being off for a long weekend, thanks to the Thanksgiving holiday. My in-laws were able to watch Bree for the day, so that we didn't have to enroll her in daycare until the following Monday. I knew she was in good hands, but it just wasn't my hands, which somehow made a difference. After running back in the house as I had forgotten my lunch (hadn't done this in almost 4 months), I set off to work. My first action, once I got in the car was to call my best friend. She asked how I was doing, and the tears started flowing. Up until this call, I actually thought I was doing pretty well. She reassured me that Bree wouldn't forget me (one of my biggest fears about going back to work) and that we would still be very much so attached, thanks to all the time I had spent with her these first few months. I managed to collect myself and headed into work.Thankfully, it was a nice easy day, spent with getting caught up with my co-workers, setting up my desk with pictures of Bree, and spending an easy 3 hours with the kids. Before I knew it, work was over and I was heading home! That's the nice thing about my work, with everything that is going on, the work day goes by so quickly.

Now that I've been working for almost a month, the separation part is getting easy, but I still get bouts of envy when I hear Jason talking about his "daddy, daughter" lunches every Wednesday afternoon. Bree's daycare is located right outside Jason's work, so he can stop over pretty conveniently. Some nights have been harder than others, when Bree was already asleep by the time I got home. But other nights, I've been able to cuddle her and feed her before her final bedtime. I'm sure it's a work in progress as I'm not the only one to be feeling the working mommy guilt. I love my job and I certainly love my precious baby girl. I guess it's a balancing act that I will somehow figure out!!